don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i think my cat just said my name.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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