Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
