Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
