I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
