you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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