I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
