I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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