i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
