Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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