I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
