Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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