I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
