Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
