The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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