Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
