Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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