Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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