I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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