I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
