It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
foreskin is a definite game changer
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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