2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
