what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Boobs are out for the taking
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
