Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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