those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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