grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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