I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
