pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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