You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
