2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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