I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
