i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
