It's just like the Real World with babies
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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