Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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