last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I could make wine with my vomit
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
