Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
