Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
