mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
