i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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