We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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