community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
