Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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