i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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