I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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