I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
