shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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