those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
