Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
