So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I am one with the molecules
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
