I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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