k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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