Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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